Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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