This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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