end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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