I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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