Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize