DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
