you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
