Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
