Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
