I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
