Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize