sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
