Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
