Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
