Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
