he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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