my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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