my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
