Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
