I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
