His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
