I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
