I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
