Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
