They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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