there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
