dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
