I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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