if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize