Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
