i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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