Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
