Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
