How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
