i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
