dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
