party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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