yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize