Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
