The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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