zippers are such a cool invention
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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