her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
