I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
