I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
