hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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