Where is the hickey?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
