i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
