I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
