I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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