I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I look better un-naked...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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