is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize