we have officially lost it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
