Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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