I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
