i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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