...so i touched it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Four minutes until I can fart!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
