If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
