I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
