whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
