i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
