Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
