CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
