I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
