I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
