So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize