I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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