My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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