I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
