my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
