you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
